Dad learns something about Alfie
Posted by Jerry on July 08, 2021 at 09:30:32
Dad, Alfie, George and me went round to uncle Alex’s place to watch the football yesterday. It was a men and boys only event and uncle Alex had arranged a BBQ as well. Our cousins were there as well, of course, so there were nine of us altogether. Uncle Alex had promised us a surprise as well and said we should be prepared to get wet, although he refused to elaborate and none of the cousins would say either. Well that just meant that we all dressed as normal, of course!
Uncle Alex greeted us at the door and ushered us through to the garden, telling us to close our eyes as we approached the doors onto the terrace. And when he said “OK, open your eyes” we saw an enormous hot tub, already occupied by our cousins – Ben (16¾), Dave (15½), Eddie (14¼) and Larry (13) – all busy splashing each other in the bubbling water.
“Did you bring any swimwear?” Alex asked.
“No.” Alfie said “You just said be prepared to get wet, so we are ……. this is what we normally wear – just like the others normally do.” Alfie finished as he nodded towards our cousins.
“OK, underwear will be fine – I assume you are all wearing pants of some sort.” Alex said.
“No, these shorts have a mesh liner” Alfie said “just like swim-shorts.”
“You’re OK in those shorts then Alfie. Go and hop in and enjoy.” Alex said.
So dad, George and I stripped to our undies and hopped in as well. Uncle Alex disappeared for a while and then came back in his swim-shorts, a rather garish tropical floral print which was so bright it almost hurt the eyes, but that’s uncle Alex for you. To say he likes bright colours is an enormous understatement.
Our cousins all had tumblers of cola in the cup holders and uncle Alex gave everyone drinks before climbing in himself. The hot-tub had seats for ten, so there was plenty of room for two adults and seven boys.
After a while, Alex asked if anyone wanted more drink. He was about to get up when Alfie stood up and said “It’s OK, I’ll go, I’m nearest to the table.”
Uncle Alex looked suddenly startled as Alfie stood up and then Ben giggled. Alfie’s shorts had rucked up around his thighs and the shiny wet black fabric was sticking to him all over, revealing a very detailed three dimensional mould of his bits.
“Sit down Alfie. It’s fine.” uncle Alex said.
“No problem, it’s OK …….” Alfie said.
“We have a house rule here Alfie; if you get a boner you stay sitting down until it goes away!” uncle Alex said, trying not to grin.
“But I haven’t got one …… !” Alfie retorted, looking down at himself and tugging at the fabric of his shorts.
At which point cousin Ben chimed in with “Now you know why he’s known as Alfred the Great at school!”
“What did you say, Ben?” dad asked.
“Alfie has been known as Alfred the Great ever since he was spotted with a boner in the changing rooms at school after soccer practice. He’s bigger than any of us by a long way.” Ben explained.
“Really? Do all you boys know about this?” dad asked.
“Yes, dad, it went around the school real fast. Everyone is in awe of Alfie.” I explained “The down side is that everyone keeps asking me if I’m the same …….. which I’m not, before you ask!”
“Excuse me! Do you mind not talking about me like I’m not here …. or staring at my crotch like I’m about to burst into flames or something!” Alfie asked loudly.
Everyone looked back at Alfie and suddenly, as if on cue, his shorts were stretched and straining in response to a huge boner.
Alfie groaned and sat down promptly “Talk of boners has given me one now!”
Dad and uncle Alex looked at each other open mouthed and the others just grinned.
“Well, wow …… and how do you feel about this nickname, Alfie?” dad managed to say at last.
“Not much I can do about it is there? I can’t make myself smaller, can I?” Alfie asked “Besides ….. it’s nice to be known for something other than being a swot or being called Mister Happy, like some effing circus clown. I don’t go around staring at everyone else’s crotch, so what is with you lot?”
“Yeah, but none of us have one like yours” Ben chimed in “……. so we’re just curious. People look at you ‘cos you’re so tall and then some notice the other thing as well ……”
“OK, I get the tall thing, that’s obvious for all to see, but I really try not to make this obvious and look like I’m showing off – none of you stare at me particularly when I’m swimming in my jammers for the school ……..”
“No, because everyone is on show in Speedos and you kinda expect to see guys with all sorts of things going on as they walk around the pool.” Ben said.
“OK, OK …….. what do you want me to do? Stand up, drop my shorts and show off to satisfy your curiosity …….. or, I know! …. maybe even give you a few dimensions so you can compare yourselves?” Alfie asked, getting angry now, which is a rare thing, “Just let me be and accept me as I am. And can we stop talking about this now? I came here to watch the match and enjoy your company, not for an inquisition about my anatomy ………….”
“OK, discussion over, and my apologies to you Alfie.” uncle Alex declared as he stood up “Who wants some food? It should be ready by now and we’ll have time to get that and dry off before the game starts.”
I do love a nice BBQ and uncle Alex is a whizz at it so it was a great evening. Could have done without the football being such a nail-biter but at least England won in the end. Our neighbourhood is usually very quiet and sedate but there was the sounds of lots of cheering, singing and shouting from gardens and streets all around well into the night.
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