A fuss about nothing?

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Posted by Kayne on April 09, 2021 at 10:45:31

This might be slightly off-topic but is concerning lots of people in the UK at the moment and I was just wondering what other people on this forum, which is about sex advice after all, might think or have heard about it all and maybe have experienced in some way.

There is currently an outcry about pupil-to-pupil sexual harassment in schools (mostly, it must, said at Public Schools – confusingly that is private rather than State schools for those outside the UK) following one girl’s posts on social media and the setting up of a site (Everyone’s Invited) specifically asking for other pupils experiences, all told anonymously by the way. The vast majority of posts appear to be by girls accusing boys of making inappropriate sexual advances or following through with unwanted sexual activity and even rape. Several schools have set up internal investigations and some have even declared “Please come forward if you have any accusations; don’t hesitate, we will believe your accusations if you think you are a victim”. Even a senior police officer appointed to head a nationwide inquiry has declared pretty much the same sentiments that “victims will be believed”.

I’m no lawyer, but I always thought that people accused of something were innocent until proven after trial to be guilty or innocent. Surely declaring that self-described “victims will be believed” negates that whole presumption?

On a personal note, I have always been brought up to respect girls and not to do or attempt to do anything without their express consent or willingness and, incidentally, I expect to be treated in the same way by them. We’ve had no reported incidents at my school as far as I know but we have had mention of the situation during class assemblies by teachers assuring us that we will be listened to if we wish to report anything.

The whole situation seems to have swung towards a campaign of vilifying boys in general insinuating that all boys can be tarred with the same brush as being predatory sexual attackers and that no girl is safe in the company of boys. All I can say is that in my experience it is the girls who are more sexually precocious and if any harassment happens it is instigated by them, whether that be just verbal banter and suggestive comments. It may of course be something to do with the fact that at my school it is ‘boys only’ until we get to A-Level years when girls join the school in limited numbers. Most of us boys have had little or no experience of girls other than as sisters as there has not been the opportunity to mix regularly with girls on a day to day basis.

I’ve only had one slight encounter with one girl at school that concerned me. I do cross-country running and among our group of twenty or so pupils are three girls. One has earned herself a bit of a reputation for cheeky suggestive comments and flirting with anyone in trousers – even Charlie, ha ha! - and we went for a run just before Easter. The course is enjoyably wet and muddy and has a section that runs along a stream for some fifty yards with a muddy steep incline into and out of the water at either end and the water gets to be about waist deep in a couple of places. Most of us boys just leap straight in and get a sudden soaking before wading along and even swimming through the deepest bits. It’s fun and no-one minds getting wet in just running shorts and a singlet even though the kit is very revealing when wet. I’m not the fastest runner in our group and just run along at a comfortable pace – I’d rather enjoy it than race to be first to finish – and as we approached the stream section I caught up with this girl, I’ll call her Jane, who had slowed after her usual sprint start. We got to the bank and I leapt into the water and splashed down getting a good soaking before standing straight with the water just over my knees. Jane had hesitated and I heard her squeal from behind me as I was ready to run on, so I turned round to see her half way down the muddy bank unsure where to step without falling over.

“Do you want a hand, Jane?” I asked as I waded back towards her.

“Oh please – I don’t want to fall in.” she smiled.

So I helped her down into the water.

“You can’t avoid getting wet doing this run, you do know it gets deeper?” I told her.

“Yes, I know, I don’t mind that, I just don’t want to get completely soaked by falling in.” Jane laughed “Thanks for that help; do you mind if I run along with you?”

“No, of course not; I don’t run to get back first, I just enjoy the running.”

We waded on along the stream and where it got deepest I did my usual dip under the water and swim before wading on in the waist deep water until it got shallower. I find a quick duck under refreshing and sets me up for the rest of the run. When we got to the shallower water I was ahead of Jane and said to her that I’d go up the bank first and give her a hand up the slippery slope. As I put a foot up on the bank and started to clamber up, I heard Jane say something but couldn’t make out what.

“Sorry, what did you say?” I asked as I stopped half-way up and turned to look at her.

“I said, has anyone ever told you what a nice bum you have? Particularly in those wet shorts…..” she grinned.

“No, certainly not any girls.” I laughed “Charlie’s made a few rude comments about me in wet clothes though.”

I reached a hand out a gave her a hand up the slope and as she passed me and continued up to the top she pushed against me and grabbed my shoulder to steady herself and looked down at me struggling to keep my balance and not slide back down into the water.

Jane grinned as she watched me climb up and join her and then said “Do you always get an erection in wet clothes?”

I was shocked, not sure that I had heard her correctly. “What?” I said, knowing I was blushing deeply.

“You heard!” she laughed “I only ask because it is so obvious in those shorts. I have three older brothers and they do as well, even when we are on the beach and they are just in their normal swim-shorts – I do like seeing a boy with a big bulge…….” and with that she reached a hand out and attempted to grab my crotch. I backed away and ran on. I didn’t see her again after that as she fell back to a walking pace as I ran on.

Back in the showers and changing room with the other boys, Charlie asked why I was so far behind him, so I told him about what Jane had said and tried to do. He laughed. And then he called out loudly to everyone else “Hey everyone, Jane has struck again, this time with Kayne ……. wonder what took her so long to get around to him!” This was followed by lots of crude and funny comments about what I might have done to encourage her, all of which I denied. After that a lot of the guys agreed that she had done similar things to them and that she was a real predator.

Anyway, I just mention this topic because it concerns me that a whole class of people, ie teenage boys, are being unfairly demonised on-line and in the press based upon the “unquestionably true” experiences of a relatively small number of anonymous girls. I know for a fact that many teenage boys exaggerate and boast about their sexual prowess and experience and that 95% of it only ever happened in their imagination; I can only guess that it is the same with girls, but surely it is fundamentally wrong that their stories be labelled unquestioningly as “true” and that they are “victims”.

As one of our teachers might say “That’s your subject, read and discuss”.



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